Abby Barnes, M.S., CCC-SLP
Leaving the playground, turning off their favorite show, putting on PJs for bed… does your child lose their cool when they have to switch from one task to another? Good news: This is common among toddlers and preschoolers. The bad news: It isn’t always an easy thing for parents to handle!
While dealing with transitions may not be a walk in the park, there are techniques you can use to make it easier. Let’s take a look at why kids tend to struggle with transitions and how you can make them go more smoothly. Plus, we’ll share tips for helping your child with transitions when they have a speech or language delay.
Why are transitions so hard for young kids?
Many times, when a child is upset by a transition, it’s because they have to shift from something they want to do, to something they don’t want to do.
Here’s an example. Let’s say a child is having a great time playing at the park. But then, their caregiver tells them it’s time to leave. They’re not happy about that, so they erupt into tears or a tantrum. They were focused on swinging or sliding, and suddenly they have to stop.
It’s not hard to see why a child would be upset by this. Even adults may not enjoy certain transitions. Maybe we’re having lunch with a friend, but we have to cut things short to get back to work. Or we want to keep playing with our kids, but we need to start cooking dinner. Adults have the reasoning skills to regulate their emotions and adjust to these transitions. Young kids often don’t have those skills in place yet.
Here’s another reason transitions can be challenging. Toddlers and preschoolers are very much focused on what’s happening right in front of them, right in that moment. It’s hard for them to stop what they're doing and shift their attention to something else. That’s a skill that takes time to learn.
Let’s use the example of the park again. Say you’re at the park with your child. It’s getting close to lunchtime, and you know they’re getting hungry. So you tell them it’s time to go. Even if you say, “Don’t be upset, we’re going to go eat!,” they may not automatically understand that leaving the park will turn out in their favor. They’re just focused on the fact that they have to leave the sandbox, and they don’t want to!
Struggles with transitions can also be related to personality. Some kids may be more “go with the flow,” while others may want control and tend to voice their feelings (loudly!). What upsets one child may not upset another.
No matter what, though, most young kids can benefit from some support during transitions. Let’s take a look at some techniques for doing this.
4 tips to ease transitions for your toddler
1 Use a picture schedule
One way to make transitions easier is a picture schedule. Each picture should represent the events that will take place. You can find pictures online to print out, or save them to your phone. The pictures should be placed in the order of the events that will happen.
For example, say you’re taking your child with you to run errands. You could show them pictures of the places you’ll go: the post office, then the library, then home. Review the schedule with your child before you leave. Then, during each step of your schedule, show your child what’s happening. You can say, “We’re all done at the post office. Now we go to the library.” Point to the pictures as you talk about the schedule.
You can give your child some notice before each step. You might say, “Just a few more minutes and then we’ll leave,” or “Let’s check out our books. Then we’ll go home.” When it’s time to go, show them the picture for “home.”
2 Use a timer your child can see
If your child struggles with transitions, consider using a timer. A timer that has a visual countdown, such as the circle that runs down on an iPhone, is a good type to use. This is because your child can see the timer “ticking” down.
To use this technique, tell your child, “I’m setting the timer for 5 minutes, then it’s time to go” (or do whatever the next task is).
You can give your child little updates, like ”3 minutes left” or “1 minute left.” Then, when the timer goes off, your child will hear the alarm, rather than just you saying it’s time to go. This takes some of the responsibility (or blame!) for the transition off the caregiver. Instead of your child getting upset at being told about the transition, they’re getting the cue from an object–the timer. They may be less likely to have a meltdown or a strong emotional response.
3 Make a game out of the transition
When possible, try to include a motivating activity to get your child to transition tasks more easily. If you need them to get in their carseat, you can pick them up and fly them like a superhero to the car. Or if it’s time to brush their teeth, have a race to the bathroom to see who’s the fastest.
4 Order your “to-dos” in an optimal way
Although it isn’t always possible, it doesn’t hurt to try to line up your tasks in an order that will lead to less tantrums. Some kids may do best if you save the most fun item for last. You can even use it as a motivation: “Let’s pick up your room, then we’ll go to the park!!” Or if you’re running errands, try to do them in an order that will help your child stay as content as possible. It may mean that you save their favorite activity for last.
How to handle transitions if your child has a speech delay
If your child isn’t talking yet or has a speech or language delay, transitions can be especially challenging. This is true if they have trouble using words to express themselves, but also if they have a receptive language disorder. Receptive language refers to how well a child understands what’s said to them.
A picture schedule and visual timer are two particularly helpful techniques for kids who are behind in their communication skills. They give kids a visual that supports the directions you’re telling them. Once you use these techniques a few times, your child will get the hang of it and begin to understand the meaning.
Teach your child to ask for what they want
You can help your child learn to request what they want. For example, practice helping them request “more” or “more time” to give them a little control during transitions. Try this by modeling the words you want them to learn, or a gesture or sign they can use. It’s best to teach this at a time when they’re calm, not when they’re upset.
Of course, it won’t always be possible for your child to get what they’re asking for. But when you can give them one more turn, or one more minute, that can help the transition go more smoothly.
Teach your child about feelings and emotions
You can also try teaching your child about different feelings, like “sad” or “mad.” Being able to explain what they’re feeling at that moment can be a big help.
Similarly with teaching requests, teach your child about feelings at a time when they’re calm, not in the middle of a tantrum! You can try talking about a character's feelings in a book you’re reading, or while you’re playing pretend together.
Use simple, direct language
Here’s another tip for kids who struggle with transitions. When it’s time for your child to move on to another activity, keep your directions simple and to the point. Avoid using too many words. So, instead of saying, “We need to leave. It’s time to go home. You need to get your backpack and put on your shoes,” try simply stating, “Time to go home.” Then pause. Once your child has understood the concept and you’ve dealt with any big emotions, give them the next direction: “Let’s put on your shoes.” Then, after that: “Get your backpack.” Giving simple directions and statements can help your child better process and understand what’s happening. It also may help them stay calm.
Your toddler or preschooler won’t get better at transitions overnight. But when you use techniques like these, with time, you’ll start to see improvement. Keep practicing, and remember that, as with any “tough stage” of parenting, this one won’t last forever.
