Abby Barnes, M.S., CCC-SLP
Did you know that helping your child build self-esteem can set them up for a lifetime of confidence and success? Kids thrive on encouragement, especially during their formative years, when their sense of self is just beginning to develop. The way you support your child’s self-esteem today shapes how they approach challenges, form relationships, and feel about themselves as they grow.
As a parent or caregiver, you play a big role in raising a confident child. With your support and the right strategies, your child can feel capable, valued, and ready to take on new experiences–even the tough ones.
In this article, we explain the signs of low self-esteem in kids and why self-esteem matters. We also share some easy, practical ways you can boost your child’s confidence every day.
Signs of low self-esteem in children
Self-esteem refers to how confident a person feels about themselves, and how they value and perceive themselves in their relationships and their world. When kids don’t have high self-esteem, they may:
Feel frustrated, angry, anxious, or sad
Lose interest in learning
Have a hard time making and keeping friends
Be more likely to be teased or bullied
Become withdrawn or give in to peer pressure
Develop self-defeating ways to deal with challenges, like quitting, avoidance, silliness, and denial
Low self-esteem often develops in childhood. Potential causes might include being bullied or feeling extreme pressure to perform or overachieve. Traumatic experiences, such as abuse, disasters, or severe illness, can also affect a child's self-esteem.
Understanding the causes of low self-esteem can help parents, caregivers, and teachers take steps to create environments that support children’s growth and confidence.
3 ways to build your child’s self-esteem
One way children can develop self-esteem is by working on tasks and seeing how their hard work pays off. It can be something as big as studying for an important test and passing it, or something smaller, such as staying quiet and listening to directions given in class.
Every child has the potential to feel confident and capable with the right support. Here are 3 practical ways you can help build your child’s self-esteem.
1 Give encouragement the right way
Encouragement is important for building confidence, but the way you give it makes a big difference. Research shows that praising your child’s effort (focusing on what they do, rather than the result of what they do) helps them stay motivated, keep trying, and believe they can improve. For example, instead of saying, “You’re so smart,” try saying, “I’m proud of how hard you worked on that project.”
Kids who are praised for their effort are more likely to face challenges with confidence and believe that they can grow their abilities. On the other hand, kids praised for being smart may feel pressured to do well all the time and avoid tasks they think are too hard.
Examples of effort-based praise include:
“You did a great job figuring out that tricky problem!”
“I can see how much effort you put into your drawing—it’s really creative.”
“You kept trying even when it was hard. That’s impressive!”
2 Promote confidence-boosting activities
Extracurricular activities are a great way for kids to explore their interests, make friends, and develop new skills in a fun and low-pressure setting. When kids focus on activities that match their strengths, they build their abilities and feel more confident.
Here are some expert tips on boosting your child’s self-esteem with activities:
Start by thinking about what your child enjoys. If they love drawing, try signing them up for an art class. If they like music, they might enjoy joining a choir or band. These types of organizations can help kids explore their passions without the stress of schoolwork.
Look into physical activities. Team sports like soccer or basketball can help kids build social skills and learn from mentors. If your child prefers individual activities, options like swimming, dance, martial arts, or rock climbing can be good choices.
Encourage your child to try new things, reminding them that they can decide whether to continue after giving it a fair shot. Sometimes trying something different can uncover hidden talents. For example, a child who loves baseball might find they enjoy painting after taking an art class.
Finally, look for activities that help with social skills. Kids who struggle socially or have been bullied might feel more comfortable connecting with others in a relaxed, interest-based setting. Joining a robotics club, cooking class, or other group with kids who share their interests can help them feel like they belong and build their confidence.
With consistent encouragement and opportunities to explore their strengths, children can develop the confidence they need to take on challenges and connect with others.
3 Try these methods for praising your child
Praising your child is one of the simplest and best things you can do to help them gain self-confidence. As their caregiver, you can help them recognize when they’ve done something they can be proud of! Let’s look at some situations for praise and encouragement and what you can say:
Example 1: Your child starts their homework, but they’re having a hard time focusing or sitting down to finish it. You can try saying:
“You started off strong!”
“What do you think about your work so far?”
“Do you think you’re giving it your best try?”
Using these types of phrases helps your child reflect on their work and identify if they are happy with it and if it meets their own expectations. They can then assess if they are proud of what they did.
Example 2: Your child did a great job at their recital, but they seem to be downplaying their performance. You can say:
“Getting up in front of the crowd to show everyone your dance routine is a huge accomplishment!”
“You look very proud! What about your recital makes you feel proud?”
Hearing these things helps your child realize that you recognize their accomplishment. When you ask them what they’re proud of, they can self-reflect and identify exactly what it was that made them feel proud.
Example 3: Your child had a goal to finish their summer reading list but didn’t quite accomplish it. Try saying:
“I’m sorry you didn’t finish your summer reading list. Is there anything you can try next summer to help you meet your goal?”
“I know you didn’t finish your list, but I bet you had a great time reading so many of those new books!”
This allows your child to think about how they worked toward their goal and what they could try to do differently. It also highlights the positive things that came out of the situation.
Example 4: Your child did well at tryouts for band class and they know they made the cut. You can say:
“I want to hear about tryouts! How did you prepare for them?”
“I know you’re so excited you made the band. I’m excited for you! You put your mind to it and worked very hard.”
This allows kids to think about what they did to meet their goal and be proud of that effort.
Example 5: Before a playdate, you talked with your child about including everyone on the playground, and you saw them do it once you were there. After the playdate, you could say, “Thank you for including every friend today! I know you had to pay attention and make sure everyone was included. That made your friends feel good.”
This shows your child that they’re meeting expectations that you’ve discussed with them. It also helps them feel positive about their friendships.
Signs of a confident child
When kids are confident in themselves, they’re more willing to take on new things. A child with high self-esteem has more resilience and can feel proud of themselves even when they make a mistake. They’re able to take responsibility for their actions.
Kids with good self-esteem feel comfortable forming relationships and have the courage to make good decisions, even in the face of peer pressure.
How communication skills can affect a child’s confidence
Communication is a key skill that allows children to express their thoughts, feelings, and needs. When speech and language skills are delayed or underdeveloped, it can affect a child’s social and emotional well-being.
Young children who struggle to communicate may become frustrated, act out, or withdraw from others. For older children, challenges like stuttering or difficulty forming sentences can lead to feelings of self-consciousness, fear of being teased, or trouble connecting with other kids.
Children with speech or language difficulties may feel self-conscious, which can lower their confidence.
As children enter school, these challenges can become more noticeable. Being around classmates with typical communication skills may cause children with speech or language difficulties to feel self-conscious, which can lower their confidence. This lack of confidence often affects classroom participation, school performance, and relationships with peers.
According to the American Speech-Language-Hearing Association (ASHA), children with communication problems are also more likely to struggle with reading, writing, and comprehension. Without proper support, this cycle of frustration and self-doubt can continue. This highlights the importance of early intervention to build both communication skills and self-esteem.
Can a speech therapist help my child’s self-confidence?
Speech therapy can both address communication challenges and boost a child’s confidence. Speech-language pathologists (SLPs), also known as speech therapists, are trained to help children build speech and language skills in ways that also improve their self-esteem. By working on speech sounds, language development, social communication, and even literacy skills, speech therapists empower children to express themselves clearly and confidently.
Speech therapy sessions are tailored to each child’s needs, with fun, engaging activities that promote success. As children see themselves making progress, they feel more capable and motivated to try new things. Speech therapists also teach strategies to manage frustration, build resilience, and handle communication challenges, giving children tools they can use in their daily lives.
If you’re concerned about your child’s communication or confidence, don’t hesitate to ask for help. Early intervention can make a big difference. Talk to your pediatrician, or consider contacting Expressable for a free consultation call. Schedule one today–we’d be happy to answer your questions!
