Abby Barnes, M.S., CCC-SLP
If your child has a communication disorder or speech problem, it can be tough to know how and when to talk with them about it. You might worry about upsetting your child, or changing the way they see themselves. This is true whether it’s a language problem, speech sound disorder, apraxia, stuttering, or anything else that affects the way your child communicates.
In most cases, the sooner you can talk through it, the better. You know your child best, but it can be helpful to prepare and think through how to have the conversation. Here are some ways to approach telling your child about their diagnosis–and to make sure they know you’re supporting them along the way.
1 Learn about your child’s diagnosis
One of the best things you can do before talking with your child is to learn as much as possible about their diagnosis. Your child may have a lot of questions. They might want to know how long their problem will last, or how they can change the way they talk. When you do your research beforehand, you’ll come to the conversation ready to explain the diagnosis in a way that makes sense to your child.
2 Find the right time to have the conversation
It may be best to bring up the topic naturally. Let’s say your child says something like, “It’s hard for my teacher to understand me.” This could be a natural time to start the conversation.
Look for a time when you and your child are relaxed, not in a rush or distracted. You want to have enough time to fully explain everything and answer any questions your child has.
3 Be ready for your child’s reaction
Many kids will respond positively to a discussion about their diagnosis. It might be a relief to know that there’s a reason they communicate the way they do. You can explain that having a diagnosis is a good thing–it allows you and their teachers to know how best to support them. They can learn to advocate and speak up for what they need.
Just know that your child may have big feelings, regardless of how the topic is presented. Be there to listen to it all. Empathize and reflect back what they’re saying. “You sound upset right now. I know it must be overwhelming to hear this. I’m here for you!”
4 Plan to keep the dialogue going
This probably won’t be a one-time conversation. Your child is likely to continue asking you questions over time. Listen for comments your child makes about their diagnosis, especially as they learn more about what their communication differences are like. They may become more aware of how their differences affect them day-to-day, especially at school or with friends. Your child may begin telling you about times it was hard for them to speak clearly or communicate, or ask if certain things they do are related to their diagnosis.
5 Explain to your child how speech therapy can help them
Your child might already be in speech therapy, or they may be starting soon. Talk about why they’re receiving speech therapy and how it can help them. Explain how practicing what they’re learning can help them improve their communication skills, and assure your child that you’ll help and support them. Understanding this can be empowering for your kiddo–and for you!
Finding support for your child
Not only does speech therapy directly help your child, it’s also a source of support and guidance for you. Your speech therapist can help your family navigate tough situations or conversations related to your child’s communication needs. They can also help you talk with your child’s teachers and ask for accommodations at school, if needed.
In some cases, a diagnosis can bring up a lot of feelings for a child. If you notice your child demonstrating negative self-talk (for example, saying things like “I’m dumb” or “I’ll never be able to talk right”), or if they seem withdrawn or sad, it’s important to talk with a therapist or other mental health professional.
Check in with your child often about how they’re doing. Encourage them to share how they feel.
Remember, sometimes kids hide their true feelings. So check in with your child often about how they’re doing. Encourage them to share how they feel. Mental health therapy can do amazing things to help kids process their emotions and circumstances. This is true for you as a parent, too. Many caregivers may need some time or support to process their child’s diagnosis.
A communication-related diagnosis doesn’t have to be scary, but you may feel overwhelmed or uncertain. Try to remember that your child is not their diagnosis. It is part of them, and it may affect different aspects of their development. But it is not all of them. Your child is still the child you know and love. The main difference is that now you know what they need–and when you're open with your child about it, they know they have you in their corner, every step of the way.
